TACTics Journal

A Publication for and by TOC for Education Practitioners

September 12, 2003

In this week’s issue:

Networking

(1) Managing Danny, Judy Holder

Quote

(2) John Wooden

Reader’s Feedback

(3) Collette Goldman

Editors’ Notes

(4) Kay Buckner-Seal, Cheryl A. Edwards

NETWORKING

(1) Managing Danny

Judy Holder, United Kingdom

I had been warned that Danny would be difficult.

Danny was eight years old, and had been excluded by his primary school. He

couldn’t read, which was hardly surprising given that he couldn’t focus on

academic tasks for more than a few minutes at a time. On the other hand,

he was a great escape artist, known locally for his fearless climbing and his

ability to elude pursuing adults. Danny was, in short, following in the

footsteps of his two older brothers. Both permanently excluded from

school. Both locked up in young offenders’ institutions.

Danny had not been permanently excluded. Not yet. Another primary school

had been directed to take him. The school was not willing to take him

without a full package of support in place for him.

So he ended up temporarily on my list. One hour a week. Help him learn to

read. Or at any rate, keep him in the room.

I was careful to pack up the children I was working with before Danny a

little bit early, so I could collect him on time. But by the time I got there

Danny and his mother had already arrived. In fact, his mother had brought

him half an hour early. There was only a cramped entrance hall for them to

wait in. Consequently, I discovered, Danny had provided his own

entertainment. He peered in through the windows of the three classrooms

in the building, disturbing the lessons. He poured out cups of water from

the water dispenser. He looked around for things to climb on. His mother

shouted at him. He ignored her. His mother threatened to hit him. He

ignored her. She yelled some more. He yelled back. He fiddled with some

displays of pupils’ work. A member of staff asked him not to do that. Danny

exploded. “I’m not staying here, I’m going home!”

By now the last lesson was over. Danny and his mum were starting to collect

a small audience: some difficult youngsters, some vulnerable youngsters,

several members of staff, and me. Between us, we managed to get the

children sorted, persuade Danny’s mother to leave (not really a problem, as

she couldn’t understand why she hadn’t been allowed to send him by himself

in the first place), coax Danny into a classroom and shut the door. One of

the other members of staff offered to stay with me, but I remembered

Kathy at one of our training sessions explaining that she always loved it when

there was a conflict during a training session, because it gave her such an

opportunity to demonstrate how powerful the tools are. Well, I thought,

let’s see.

He was still shouting. I’m going home; I’m not staying here; it’s not fair; I’m

not doing what she says; she can’t make me.He was also sitting under the

table, back against the wall, kicking his feet.

One of the professional gifts of TOC—I felt curious about what would

happen next, rather than stressed by it.

So what was the conflict here? There’s the big picture—this was a tiny part

of a much bigger set of complex and chronic difficulties.

On the other hand, in the here and now it boiled down to something quite

simple. I wanted to teach the lesson I had planned, and he wasn’t about to

let me. As far as my service was concerned, we wanted a quiet working

atmosphere in our buildings, and as long as Danny was kicking and screaming

we were not likely to get it.

The thought process took seconds. Much less time than it has taken to

reconstruct and write down.

What do I want? Teach my lesson

What does Danny want? What he’s shouting is that he wants to go home,

but what he actually wants is to defy me.

Why do I want to teach my lesson? That’s what I get paid to do.

Why does Danny want to defy me? (He’s in a bad mood, he’s afraid to get

started, he’s afraid of failing, he’s habitually contrary, he can’t lose

face/give in, he doesn’t know how to stop what he’s started/back down…

actually I don’t know.)

Do we have a common goal? Is there something we could go for? Well, I

suppose we do both want Danny to feel OK.

There was no question about who had to give up what they wanted.

Obviously I couldn't have what I wanted then. Equally obviously, I couldn’t

sit down and talk through a cloud calmly with a screaming eight year old who

couldn’t read, and who was very unlikely to be able to put a name to his need,

even if he wanted to. But I could use the cloud structure and the negative

branch to organise my behaviour. And I could use the structures to help me

read his behaviour more effectively.

I started by assuming that he just didn’t know how to stop/back down. If he

can’t stop/back down, and I ignore what he’s doing, and I make a joke at my

own expense and I offer an attractive alternative activity, then maybe he’ll

allow himself to be distracted.

I sat myself down on the floor next to him saying something along the line

of, “Well, if you won’t sit at the table I suppose I’ll have to get my old bones

down on the floor.” And he said, “You ain't funny.” Strike one hypothesis.

So I asked him what would happen if he went home, as he said he wanted to.

His mum would shout at him. And then she might send him to his room. And

then he would climb out of the window. And he would run off and play with

his mates. And if he got hungry he would have to steal food. And bad

people might get him. Or the police. And it wasn’t fair. It was his mum’s

fault. She was always getting at him, shouting at him for no reason, blaming

him for things.

And at that point I got it. “That must be really hard, always being blamed.”

It was like turning off a tap. He needed to be heard, to have his point of

view acknowledged.

For a few minutes we talked about feeling bad when you always get blamed

for things, and we talked about actions and their consequences, and then he

asked me to show him the lesson materials I had in my bag, and we sat

together peacefully for the rest of the lesson. And for the four or five

lessons we shared before he went back to school.

I don’t know what happened to him after that, but at least for those few

hours he was enabled to experience a tiny taste of academic success and to

know, possibly for the first time, what that felt like.

QUOTE

(2) It’s what you learn after you know it all that counts.” John Wooden

READERS’ FEEDBACK

(3) Collette Goldman, Israel

Hello!

I'd like to receive Tactics since I have completed a course here in Israel in

the Theory of Constraints, and the subject fascinates me.

I am an English teacher, a school social activities director, and the Student

Council facilitator. I have found that TOC has been very helpful in both my

private and my professional life.

EDITORS’ NOTES

(4) Kay Buckner-Seal, Cheryl A. Edwards

Judy Holder, we thank you for sharing with us this week!

Feel free to share with us. Send your responses, applications of the thinking

processes, lessons, announcements, and etc. by mail to: Cheryl A. Edwards,

2253 S. Hill Island Rd., Cedarville, Michigan 49719, USA. Or send hyperlink

to cedwards@cedarville.net or bucknek@earthlink.net.

Please note that the pdf version of TACTics is attached. You must have

Acrobat Reader to open the file. It is freely available for download from:

http://www.adobe.com/products/acrobat/readstep.html. If you have the

Reader installed but still can't open the file, drag it from this e-mail to your

desktop, launch the Reader, and open from the FILE menu.

You may also view TACTics in its intended formatting, by visiting our web

site at www.tocforeducation.com. Click on “What’s New.”