TACTics Journal
A Publication for and by TOC for Education Practitioners
In this week’s issue:
Networking
(1) Managing Danny, Judy Holder
Quote
(2) John Wooden
Reader’s Feedback
(3) Collette Goldman
Editors’ Notes
(4)
NETWORKING
(1) Managing Danny
Judy Holder,
I had been warned that Danny would be difficult.
Danny was eight years old, and had been excluded by his primary
school. He
couldn’t read, which was hardly surprising given that he couldn’t
focus on
academic tasks for more than a few minutes at a time. On the other
hand,
he was a great escape artist, known locally for his fearless
climbing and his
ability to elude pursuing adults. Danny was, in short, following
in the
footsteps of his two older brothers. Both permanently excluded
from
school. Both locked up in young offenders’ institutions.
Danny had not been permanently excluded. Not yet. Another primary
school
had been directed to take him. The school was not willing to take
him
without a full package of support in place for him.
So he ended up temporarily on my list. One hour a week. Help him
learn to
read. Or at any rate, keep him in the room.
I was careful to pack up the children I was working with before
Danny a
little bit early, so I could collect him on time. But by the time
I got there
Danny and his mother had already arrived. In fact, his mother had
brought
him half an hour early. There was only a cramped entrance hall for
them to
wait in. Consequently, I discovered, Danny had provided his own
entertainment. He peered in through the windows of the three
classrooms
in the building, disturbing the lessons. He poured out cups of
water from
the water dispenser. He looked around for things to climb on. His
mother
shouted at him. He ignored her. His mother threatened to hit him.
He
ignored her. She yelled some more. He yelled back. He fiddled with
some
displays of pupils’ work. A member of staff asked him not to do
that. Danny
exploded. “I’m not staying here, I’m going home!”
By now the last lesson was over. Danny and his mum were starting
to collect
a small audience: some difficult youngsters, some vulnerable
youngsters,
several members of staff, and me. Between us, we managed to get
the
children sorted, persuade Danny’s mother to leave (not really a
problem, as
she couldn’t understand why she hadn’t been allowed to send him by
himself
in the first place), coax Danny into a classroom and shut the
door. One of
the other members of staff offered to stay with me, but I
remembered
Kathy at one of our training sessions explaining that she always
loved it when
there was a conflict during a training session, because it gave
her such an
opportunity to demonstrate how powerful the tools are. Well, I
thought,
let’s see.
He was still shouting. “I’m going home; I’m not staying here; it’s not fair; I’m
not doing what she says; she can’t make me.” He was also sitting under the
table, back against the wall, kicking his feet.
One of the professional gifts of TOC—I felt curious about what
would
happen next, rather than stressed by it.
So what was the conflict here? There’s the big picture—this was a
tiny part
of a much bigger set of complex and chronic difficulties.
On the other hand, in the here and now it boiled down to something
quite
simple. I wanted to teach the lesson I had planned, and he wasn’t
about to
let me. As far as my service was concerned, we wanted a quiet
working
atmosphere in our buildings, and as long as Danny was kicking and
screaming
we were not likely to get it.
The thought process took seconds. Much less time than it has taken
to
reconstruct and write down.
What do I want? Teach my lesson
What does Danny want? What he’s shouting is that he
wants to go home,
but what he actually wants is to defy me.
Why do I want to teach my lesson? That’s what I get paid to do.
Why does Danny want to defy me? (He’s in a
bad mood, he’s afraid to get
started, he’s afraid of failing, he’s habitually contrary, he
can’t lose
face/give in, he doesn’t know how to stop what he’s started/back
down…
actually I don’t know.)
Do we have a common goal? Is there
something we could go for? Well, I
suppose we do both want Danny to feel OK.
There was no question about who had to give up what they wanted.
Obviously I couldn't have what I wanted then. Equally obviously, I
couldn’t
sit down and talk through a cloud calmly with a screaming eight
year old who
couldn’t read, and who was very unlikely to be able to put a name
to his need,
even if he wanted to. But I could use the cloud structure
and the negative
branch to organise my behaviour. And I could use the structures to
help me
read his behaviour more effectively.
I started by assuming that he just didn’t know how to stop/back
down. If he
can’t stop/back down, and I ignore what he’s doing, and I make a
joke at my
own expense and I offer an attractive alternative activity, then
maybe he’ll
allow himself to be distracted.
I sat myself down on the floor next to him saying something along
the line
of, “Well, if you won’t sit at the table I suppose I’ll have to
get my old bones
down on the floor.” And he said, “You ain't funny.” Strike one
hypothesis.
So I asked him what would happen if he went home, as he
said he wanted to.
His mum would shout at him. And then she might send him to
his room. And
then he would climb out of the window.
And he would run off and play with
his mates. And if he got hungry he would have to steal
food. And bad
people might get him. Or the police. And it wasn’t fair. It was
his mum’s
fault. She was always getting at him, shouting at him for no
reason, blaming
him for things.
And at that point I got it. “That must be really hard, always
being blamed.”
It was like turning off a tap. He needed to be heard, to have his
point of
view acknowledged.
For a few minutes we talked about feeling bad when you always get
blamed
for things, and we talked about actions and their consequences,
and then he
asked me to show him the lesson materials I had in my bag,
and we sat
together peacefully for the rest of the lesson. And for the four
or five
lessons we shared before he went back to school.
I don’t know what happened to him after that, but at least for
those few
hours he was enabled to experience a tiny taste of academic
success and to
know, possibly for the first time, what that felt like.
QUOTE
(2) “It’s what you learn after you know it all that counts.” —John Wooden
READERS’ FEEDBACK
(3)
Hello!
I'd like to receive Tactics since I have completed a course here
in
the Theory of Constraints, and the subject fascinates me.
I am an English teacher, a school social activities director, and
the Student
Council facilitator. I have found that TOC has been very helpful
in both my
private and my professional life.
EDITORS’ NOTES
(4)
Judy Holder, we thank you for sharing with us this week!
Feel free to share with us. Send your responses, applications of
the thinking
processes, lessons, announcements, and etc. by mail to: Cheryl A.
Edwards,
to
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