TACTics Journal

A Publication for and by TOC for Education Practitioners

March 26, 2004

In this week’s issue:

Networking

(1) Losing It!, Judy Holder

Connections

(2) 8th Annual TOCFE Conference

Editors’ Notes

(3) Kay Buckner-Seal, Cheryl A. Edwards

NETWORKING

(1) Losing It!

Judy Holder, United Kingdom

He arrived at the start of the summer term. His academic levels weren’t

great, but they were certainly adequate. And he’d never really been in

trouble before. Not bad trouble. He was a nice looking lad, which shouldn’t

make a difference, but actually often does; and he had a supportive mother,

which should have made a difference, but too often doesn’t.

The plan was to find a school that would take him on before the summer

break. Trouble was he’d been excluded for taking a knife into school, and

planning to use it in a fight.

The paper work didn’t make it entirely clear quite how far he’d got with his

plan. What it did say was “Oh, and by the way, could you please do some

work on anger management with him?”

I’m a teacher, not a therapist, but I’ve done a bit of homework, and I feel I

have just enough knowledge. Probably. In any case, there wasn’t anyone else

at that sort of notice. How could I refuse?

So we spent 3, perhaps 4 hours talking and thinking about anger together,

spread out over a couple of weeks. We started with an image of climbing the

anger mountain, and discussed the way that your body pumps adrenaline

when something triggers your anger, and the way things can escalate as the

adrenaline continues to flow. We talked about the way that adrenaline

impairs judgment, and the way that that can lead to people triggering each

other’s anger in an escalation that leads to an explosion. We talked about

the way that you can trigger your own anger by refusing to let go of it and

refusing to look for solutions. We also talked about the fact that regardless

of the rights and wrongs of the situation you are the one who ends up having

to deal with the consequences of losing it—a fact he had sadly discovered

for himself the hard way. He was also able to tell me that if adrenaline

impairs judgment, then the time to deal with problems is before the

adrenaline is really pumping.

So if that’s the case, why do people lose it? What are the obstacles? What

triggers anger?

Here’s this lad’s list:

People shouting

Disrespect

Sports

Nagging

Racism—personal

Name calling

Bad-minding (talking behind someone’s back)

Fights starting (I think he meant fights between other people)

Probably not a comprehensive list, but there were certainly enough things to

talk about.

The one that really made me curious was the one that said “Sports.”

Sports tend to be seen as a solution for young people who are running into

difficulties. It’s healthy, they can often do well regardless of their

academic levels, and many of them really enjoy physical activity. So I asked

him to explain it to me. We used a branch. It went something like this:

Goal: To enjoy playing football with your friends

If: I play football, my adrenaline pumps. When my adrenaline pumps it gets

harder to control myself.

So: I am already half triggered.

If: I am already half triggered and something happens (a push, a kick, a

decision that goes against me) I lose it.

If: I lose it, I may hit someone.

If: I hit someone, I’m in trouble and I don’t get to enjoy the game.

He told me that the place to stop the sequence was before you are halftriggered,

before the adrenaline starts to pump. I asked him if he could

think of anything that might help him achieve that (because it’s easy to say

but not easy to do). This is his list of suggestions:

HAVE SELF – DISCIPLINE:

Go away to calm down

Have a drink of water

Listen to calming music

Learn a martial art (for the practice in self discipline)

Focus on your goals

We spent quite a lot of time talking about assumptions. Someone bumps into

you in the corridor. Did they really do it on purpose to get at you? How do

you know? Your friends tell you someone is bad-minding you. Why are they

telling you this? How do you know when someone is acting like a friend?

Eventually, we did the cloud:

A: A good education in a new school

D: Fight the person who fuels your temper

D’: Don’t fight them

B: Look strong for your own safety

C: Keep out of trouble

Assumptions B – D

I will be able to protect myself

You can’t let people get away with saying personal/racist stuff

I’ve lost it

Assumptions C – D’

If I fight I’ll get into trouble

It could get worse if you win

They might bring a weapon next time

They might bring their brothers

I’ll end up in prison

I’ll end up with no qualifications

It (whatever action triggered the conflict) might not be personal

It was the last of the assumptions that made me happiest. I honestly felt at

that moment that perhaps he had learned something valuable that he would

be able to take away and use.

Well, he knew which want he had to give up, and his solution was quite an

interesting one—he told me he would have to choose his friends very

carefully. Good friends don’t push your triggers, and help you not to lose it.

He went back to school a bit too soon for my liking, and without making

contact with the counseling service. But the school place came up, he did

well at the interview and off he went.

I’ve not heard anything of him since, but I’m used to that. In my job, you

rarely find out whether you’ve made a difference. On the other hand you do

usually hear when things don’t work out too well, and you tend to hear sooner

rather than later.

No news is good news!

I’m keeping my fingers crossed.

 

CONNECTIONS

(2) 8th Annual TOCFE Conference

Location: Belgrade, Serbia

Dates: Thursday, May 20 - Sunday, May 23, 2004

Conference: Intercontinental Hotel in New Belgrade

Conference Fees: $50 (covers cost: 8 coffee breaks, 4 sandwich lunches)

Accommodations: Jugoslavija Hotel

• Single room: $42 to $62

• Double room: $60 to $90

• Breakfast included

• Room rates depend on how recently rooms have been renovated

All prices are in USA dollars– subject to slight conversion changes.

If you would like to book rooms at the Jugoslavija Hotel, you can do that

through the Miross Travel Agency. The person to contact is:

Ms. Dobrila Puzic

dobrila@miross.co.yu

Miross Travel Agency

Svetogorska 4, Beograd 11000

Serbia

Tel/Fax: +381 11 33 44 945

+381 11 33 44 510

+381 11 33 44 529

 

EDITORS’ NOTES

(3) Kay Buckner-Seal, Cheryl A. Edwards

Thanks for sharing with us this week, Judy. We would love to hear from you,

so feel free to share with us. Send your responses, applications of the

thinking processes, lessons, announcements, and etc. by mail to: Cheryl A.

Edwards, 2253 S. Hill Island Rd., Cedarville, Michigan 49719, USA. Or send

hyperlink to cedwards@cedarville.net or kayseal@comcast.net.

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