TACTics Journal
A Publication for and by TOC for Education Practitioners
In this week’s issue:
Networking
(1)
Losing It!, Judy Holder
Connections
(2)
8th Annual TOCFE Conference
Editors’ Notes
(3)
Kay Buckner-Seal, Cheryl A. Edwards
NETWORKING
(1) Losing
It!
Judy
Holder,
He
arrived at the start of the summer term. His academic levels weren’t
great,
but they were certainly adequate. And he’d never really been in
trouble
before. Not bad trouble. He was a nice looking lad, which shouldn’t
make
a difference, but actually often does; and he had a supportive mother,
which
should have made a difference, but too often doesn’t.
The
plan was to find a school that would take him on before the summer
break.
Trouble was he’d been excluded for taking a knife into school, and
planning
to use it in a fight.
The
paper work didn’t make it entirely clear quite how far he’d got with his
plan.
What it did say was “Oh, and by the way, could you please do some
work
on anger management with him?”
I’m
a teacher, not a therapist, but I’ve done a bit of homework, and I feel I
have
just enough knowledge. Probably. In any case, there wasn’t anyone else
at
that sort of notice. How could I refuse?
So
we spent 3, perhaps 4 hours talking and thinking about anger together,
spread
out over a couple of weeks. We started with an image of climbing the
anger
mountain, and discussed the way that your body pumps adrenaline
when
something triggers your anger, and the way things can escalate as the
adrenaline
continues to flow. We talked about the way that adrenaline
impairs
judgment, and the way that that can lead to people triggering each
other’s
anger in an escalation that leads to an explosion. We talked about
the
way that you can trigger your own anger by refusing to let go of it and
refusing
to look for solutions. We also talked about the fact that regardless
of
the rights and wrongs of the situation you are
the one who ends up having
to
deal with the consequences of losing it—a fact he had sadly discovered
for
himself the hard way. He was also able to tell me that if adrenaline
impairs
judgment, then the time to deal with problems is
before the
adrenaline
is really pumping.
So
if that’s the case, why do people lose it? What are the obstacles? What
triggers
anger?
Here’s
this lad’s list:
• People
shouting
• Disrespect
• Sports
• Nagging
• Racism—personal
• Name
calling
• Bad-minding
(talking behind someone’s back)
• Fights
starting (I think he meant fights between other people)
Probably
not a comprehensive list, but there were certainly enough things to
talk
about.
The
one that really made me curious was the one that said “Sports.”
Sports
tend to be seen as a solution for young people who are running into
difficulties.
It’s healthy, they can often do well regardless of their
academic
levels, and many of them really enjoy physical activity. So I asked
him
to explain it to me. We used a branch. It went something like this:
Goal:
To enjoy playing football with your friends
If:
I play football, my adrenaline pumps. When my adrenaline pumps it gets
harder
to control myself.
So:
I am already half triggered.
If:
I am already half triggered and something happens (a push, a kick, a
decision
that goes against me) I lose it.
If:
I lose it, I may hit someone.
If:
I hit someone, I’m in trouble and I don’t get to enjoy the game.
He
told me that the place to stop the sequence was before you are halftriggered,
before the adrenaline starts to pump. I
asked him if he could
think
of anything that might help him achieve that (because it’s easy to say
but
not easy to do). This is his list of suggestions:
HAVE
SELF – DISCIPLINE:
• Go
away to calm down
• Have
a drink of water
• Listen
to calming music
• Learn
a martial art (for the practice in self discipline)
• Focus
on your goals
We
spent quite a lot of time talking about assumptions. Someone bumps into
you
in the corridor. Did they really do it on purpose to get at you? How do
you
know? Your friends tell you someone is bad-minding you. Why are they
telling
you this? How do you know when someone is acting like a friend?
Eventually,
we did the cloud:
A:
A good education in a new school
D:
Fight the person who fuels your temper
D’:
Don’t fight them
B:
Look strong for your own safety
C:
Keep out of trouble
Assumptions
B – D
• I
will be able to protect myself
• You
can’t let people get away with saying personal/racist stuff
• I’ve
lost it
Assumptions
C – D’
• If
I fight I’ll get into trouble
• It
could get worse if you win
• They
might bring a weapon next time
• They
might bring their brothers
• I’ll
end up in prison
• I’ll
end up with no qualifications
• It
(whatever action triggered the conflict) might not be personal
It
was the last of the assumptions that made me happiest. I honestly felt at
that
moment that perhaps he had learned something valuable that he would
be
able to take away and use.
Well,
he knew which want he had to give up, and his solution was quite an
interesting
one—he told me he would have to choose his friends very
carefully.
Good friends don’t push your triggers, and help you not to lose it.
He
went back to school a bit too soon for my liking, and without making
contact
with the counseling service. But the school place came up, he did
well
at the interview and off he went.
I’ve
not heard anything of him since, but I’m used to that. In my job, you
rarely
find out whether you’ve made a difference. On the other hand you do
usually
hear when things don’t work out too well, and you tend to hear sooner
rather
than later.
No
news is good news!
I’m
keeping my fingers crossed.
CONNECTIONS
(2) 8th
Annual TOCFE Conference
Location:
Dates: Thursday, May 20 -
Conference: Intercontinental Hotel in New
Conference Fees: $50 (covers cost: 8 coffee
breaks, 4 sandwich lunches)
Accommodations: Jugoslavija Hotel
•
Single room: $42 to $62
•
Double room: $60 to $90
•
Breakfast included
• Room rates depend on how recently rooms have been renovated
• All prices are in
If
you would like to book rooms at the Jugoslavija Hotel, you can do that
through
the Miross Travel Agency.
The person to contact is:
Ms. Dobrila Puzic
dobrila@miross.co.yu
Miross
Travel Agency
Svetogorska
4,
Tel/Fax:
+381 11 33 44 945
+381
11 33 44 510
+381
11 33 44 529
EDITORS’ NOTES
(3) Kay
Buckner-Seal, Cheryl A. Edwards
Thanks
for sharing with us this week, Judy. We would love to hear from you,
so
feel free to share with us. Send your responses, applications of the
thinking
processes, lessons, announcements, and etc. by mail to: Cheryl A.
Edwards,
hyperlink
to cedwards@cedarville.net or kayseal@comcast.net.
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